Sunday, September 28, 2008


This is Tom. Tom has been a good friend of Scott's and mine for a few years now. And, up until recently, I guess technically I was Tom's boss. True to Tom's generous nature, after my plans to pry my burned-out self out of the App House head buyer's chair became official, Tom concocted an all-expenses paid climbing trip to the Wind River range that coincided nicely with the end of my term.

The trip to the Winds was super. Two other State College characters also came along, and they were super as well. But I'll talk about those guys later.

Tom likes to suffer. I've heard him talk about how much he likes to suffer, particularly how much he likes to suffer under a really heavy pack, many many times. I kind of believed him, but I also thought there was a small chance that he was full of shit. Apparently, that's not the case.

Tom (suffering mightily under approximately 95lbs of Cheeze-its, Wild Turkey, Double Stuf Oreos, and mountaineering gear): "I think. . . .(deep breaths). . . that when God made me. . . (deep breaths and small groan). . . he had . . . chess player in mind."

Tom is about 6' and weighs 135 lbs. 95lbs is 70% of Tom's body weight.

Tom really likes heavy metal and hair bands. If the band's still together, Tom probably doesn't like them.

Tom actually makes those old-person wrap-around sun protection Star Wars-type over-glasses look good.

Tom is a force on the karaoke floor. He goes well with Billy Idol and Guns and Roses.

Tom is wicked generous. If I didn't know him so well, I'd be suspicious. Tom paid for 100% of the gas to get us to Wyoming, coaxed a free pair of mountaineering boots out of Asolo for yours truly, and, on a day when three of us monkeys were slogging up Gannett, transported 85lbs of gear to our next camp so we could spend the next day frolicking under feather-light 50lb packs. To repay Tom, I ran out of gas in the most desolate stretch of Wyoming, developed a snoring problem while sharing his tent, kicked him in the face a few times, and left him with a big pile of unfinished work at App House.

Tom suffers while maintaining a supernaturally good attitude. If I didn't know he was so smart, I'd think there was something wrong with Tom's head.

Tom is single. He's a homeowner and has a sweet job as the new head buyer at App House. Ladies, contact me for details and I'll see about booking some time with Tom. Qualified applicants only. Ability to carry a heavy pack a must.

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